30 Days of Thankfulness Project: Part II

The second half of November flew by at the speed of light!  But I was able to take a few minutes each day to continue my 30 Days of Thankfulness Project.  Here are the things that I was thankful for over the past 15 days.  This has been such a valuable experience for me; taking a few minutes every day to reflect on the good things, big or small, is a great opportunity.  Highly recommended!

Day 16:
I am thankful for Minnesota seasons, which provide a chance to break up routines.  There are so many things we do in the summer that we'd never do in the winter, and vice versa.  Getting to experience the full gamut is something that is easy to take for granted during cold winters.

Day 17:
I am thankful to have things to look forward to in the coming weeks and months.  Having my sights on upcoming events makes it so much easier to get through the mundane days. I'm especially looking forward to a cruise in February to break up the long winter with a week of sun and warmth!

Day 18:
I am thankful for the start of "Family Dinner Club".  It was really nice to have a family-style dinner tonight with some of my closest friends, and to start a tradition of doing this regularly.  The idea of expanding the classic definition of family to include a chosen group of non-relatives has been really important to me in recent years, and family dinner is a wonderful way to appreciate that.

Day 19:
I am thankful for contrast today.  Days that are confusing, frustrating, or difficult are important, because they balance out days that are happy, joyful, and fulfilling. We need both in order to experience the full-spectrum of life, and we need the negative in order to really appreciate the positive.

Day 20:
I am thankful for the entertainment industry and for a chance to see Mockingjay tonight with Carl and company.  I have been enjoying movies my whole life, but rarely see them in theaters - and even MORE rarely go on opening night - so there is a feeling of nostalgic-excitement in doing so.

Day 21:
I am thankful for a new-found love of Podcasts!  I've been in the habit of listening to one broadcast each day on my walk home from work.  It's great to be able to use my commute time learning something or hearing someone's story.  It's also fun to be able to share my favorite Podcasts with friends, and vice versa.

Day 22:
I am thankful for a relatively warm day, and for a rejuvenating run with two of my running buddies, Ann and Erin.  I'm thankful for the many beautiful places to run in Minneapolis, for friends who respond to spontaneous invitations, and for the physical ability of running and moving my body.

Day 23:
I am thankful for lifelong friends. Yesterday, I had coffee with Erin, who has been a constant in my life for almost 20 years....  She knows every detail of my history, and vice versa.  Even though I only see her a few times a year now, there are still moments when we don't need to finish our sentences in order for the other to understand what we are saying.  There is a familiarity that can only really happen after decades of knowing someone.

Day 24:
I am also thankful for new friends. Tonight, I spent time with Eden and Scott, who I have only known for about a year but who have quickly become key people in my life.  It's not always easy to make new friends as an adult, and I am lucky enough to have found a number of new people in the past couple of years who have become fast friends that now I can't imagine living without.

Day 25:
I am thankful to live in a very gay-friendly city with a large LGBT population, and for a wide network of LGBTQA people in my life.  I am especially thankful for all those who have not only accepted me for who I am, but who have engaged in (probably what seems like endless) dialogue with me to help me figure out the most authentic version of myself.  I'm thankful that sexuality isn't static or binary.  I'm thankful for marriage equality in my state and in so many more states across the country this year.

Day 26:
I am thankful for access to health care.  It is easy to complain about dental and physical appointments - but the truth is that health care is something that I often take for granted, even though so many people live without it.  I'm also thankful for a clean bill of health, another thing that is not always certain for many people.

Day 27:
I am thankful for my family, and for spending time with them over the holiday.  Even though my family is small, we were still able to enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner together today.  I'm also thankful for Skype, which enabled us to spend some time "seeing" my sister Rebecca and her boyfriend in the afternoon.

Day 28:
I am thankful for relaxation.  The day after Thanksgiving is a university holiday at my job, so today I was able to sleep in, eat a relaxed brunch, and have a low-key "health day" with Seth.  I spend most of my time on the go, with every hour planned, but once in awhile a slower day is a really nice change of pace.

Day 29:
I am thankful for birthday celebrations!  Ever since I was young, I have loved celebrating birthdays, and I try to never miss a friend's birthday party.  I have a tradition of asking the birthday boy or girl to share some of the highlights of the year they've just lived, and some of the things they're looking forward to in the coming year.  By now, most of my friends roll their eyes a little when I begin this line of questioning, but most of them at least humor me by answering sincerely.

Day 30:
I am thankful to be able to express myself through writing.  Sometimes I can write about things that I wouldn't know how to say out loud.  Other times, getting words down on paper is the best way to really make sense of an experience or situation.  Writing is also my way of feeling like I have created something.

30 Days of Thankfulness Project: Part I

This November, I'm taking a few minutes to articulate one thing I am thankful for each day.  The following is the first installment of my 30 Days of Thankfulness Project.  The second and final installment will be coming at the end of the month!

Day 1:
I am thankful for my friend Erin, who walked with me today, literally and figuratively.  I'm thankful for her wisdom and experience, and the reminder that my own experiences are not unique.  I'm thankful for the motivation to mobilize in order to start this season on a healthy path.

I am thankful also for a silly spirit, and the tradition of switching Halloween costumes.  Seth and I were collectively "Jesus take the Wheel" this year, and we took turns playing both roles this weekend.

Day 2:
I am thankful for the opportunity to escape the city for a day of rest, and for a friend who is able to take me with him to his family cabin to do this.  I’m thankful for long car rides that provide opportunity for uninterrupted, intentional, and meaningful conversation.

Day 3:
I am thankful for the flexibility of my job, and for the opportunity to work remotely as needed.  I'm thankful for my co-worker Lisa, who makes me feel less isolated at work and more like part of a little team.

Day 4:
I am thankful for my right to have a say in my government through voting, and for safe and easy access to my polling place.  I'm thankful especially for this as a woman, knowing that even 100 years ago not all women in the United States had this right.

Day 5:
I am thankful for my Girly Group, a small group of women that I meet with every Wednesday. We experience vulnerability and trust through the practices of sharing the highs and lows of our lives, and we have meaningful discussions about important topics.  We lift each other up through hard times, and celebrate each other in good times.  I'm thankful to have been a part of this group of friends for so many years, and to know them and be known.

Day 6:
I am thankful for the opportunity to get out of the office today to participate in a work-sponsored service project.  I'm thankful to work for a company that values social change and encourages community involvement.

Day 7:
I am thankful for Thursday Night Dinners.  A group of my friends started this weekly tradition years ago, and although there has been almost a total turn-over in the group since it initially began, we're still going strong.  It was great to be able to host these ladies last night and to share a meal with them.

Day 8:
I am thankful for my roommate, Craig.  He has a song in his music library for every scenario, and he's a master of creating his own lyrics.  His memory is impeccable, which means he never forgets any detail of my embarrassing moments - and he's not afraid to start a group message thread letting all our friends know exactly what I did this time.  One day, he decided to start calling me "Kathy", which somehow stuck and now, unfortunately, my most popular nickname.  We spend most of our time together wearing our apartment dress code - bath towels.  Today, I casually found him laying in my bed, reading his book.  We've made so many fun memories together over the past year and a half, and moving in with him has made my life so much more colorful and so much less lonely.

Day 9:
I am thankful to live in a city with an amazing, accessible theater/arts scene.  The Twin Cities has the second most theater seats per capita of any metropolitan area (second to NYC).  Today I got to see a really wonderful student production of Rent at the History Theater, and on Friday I saw a holiday show at Brave New Workshop.  It's easy to take these opportunities for granted, but not everyone has access to this kind of live entertainment in their city.

Day 10:
I am thankful for time tonight with a friend one generation ahead of me, who provided me with an incredible perspective of having experienced both wonderful things and terrible things in her life.  I'm thankful for her willingness to share her stories so openly, and for the perspective that mixed-generational friendships provide.

Day 11:
I am thankful to live in the center of Minneapolis.  I love being able to walk to work and other places downtown.  I love being close to almost everywhere I go, including the homes of dozens of friends. Many weeks, I can do everything I need and want to do without leaving a 3 mile radius of my home.  I'm thankful to have found a location that is so convenient and so fun.

Day 12:
I am thankful for the opportunity to know other people around my age who have been through a divorce.  Although it feels like there are not many of us who have had this experience so early in life, I have been lucky enough to connect with a few.  Divorce is a unique life experience that is only fully understood by other people who have also been through it, and connecting and sharing support with these people provides me (and I hope them) with sense of strength.

Day 13:
I am thankful to have an array of talented friends in my life. Today I got to read a fabulous article written by my friend Ryan (Owner of Events by Lady K) in Lavender Magazine. It really is wonderful to watch the people I love succeed in doing what they're good at and passionate about. I'm also thankful to have a group of friends who are extremely encouraging of one another, and express pride in each other's achievements.

Day 14:
I am thankful for ease of communication in a digital age.  Texting, messaging, and social media enable me to keep in touch with as many people as I want, as frequently as I want, in a way that I wouldn't other wise be able to do.

Day 15:
I am BEYOND thankful for the opportunity to open my house to friends to share food, drinks, and a holiday spirit.  I'm thankful for the annual tradition of Friendsgiving, and for people's openness to sharing what they're thankful for.  I'm thankful for making turkey hats out of construction paper, and for Mark, who co-hosts this event with me every year.  I'm thankful for nights that fill me up to a point of overflowing.

Creating Life 2.0

Excerpt from my journal, January 1st, 2014:

"I lost a lot this year. My husband. My house. My stability. My security. My normal life.  But I gained so much that wouldn't have been possible without these losses.  I believe this is going to be the best year of my life.  2013 was the year that I transitioned. 2014 is going to be the year that I reap the fruits of that transition.  It's going to be the start of Life 2.0."

Looking back nearly a year later, I am impressed with my optimism as I anticipated the year to come.  But to be honest, I'm also disappointed with the lack of fulfillment of my predictions. I don't think I fully "reaped the fruits" of my transition this year.  I did travel quite a bit.  I enjoyed time with friends. I organized parties.  I became close with a few very notable people who I now can't imagine life without.  I also let go of a few potentially toxic people, either intentionally or unintentionally. 

But I didn't really move forward.  I didn't grow professionally or personally.  I didn't take big risks.  I didn't chase learning opportunities.  I didn't create.  The title of my blog is Running Toward Thirty (it was originally meant to be a blog about running and about considerations as I approached my 30th birthday), but I didn't run toward anything this year. 

I think one factor that is fueling my current thought pattern is that I am surrounded by people who are very tangibly moving forward, creating and doing incredible things.  It happens that many of the people I'm closest to have achieved huge professional successes this year.  They possess the combination of intelligence, talent, and motivation to have been able to find things they're passionate about and make them into amazing careers.  Another handful have recently found meaningful primary relationships, or have taken other big steps like buying houses or having children.  I don't know if any of these are the things I want in my life, but if not, then what DO I want?  And how do I find it?  Maybe I'm behind the curve because I spent so many years in stagnation, with my marriage as my greatest (only?) source of meaning and sense of identity.  But regardless, I am at a point in my life with way more questions than answers, at a time when most of my peer group is flourishing.

Maybe part of the problem is that I'm playing the comparison game. I'm lucky enough to know extraordinary people - not average people.  So, I know that I shouldn't measure my self-worth against their successes.   Also, the reality is that, although this may not have turned out to be the "best year of my life", as predicted on January 1st, nothing incredibly bad has happened this year, either.  I didn't lose a family member.   I didn't have a financial setback.  I didn't have a health crisis.  I didn't lose my job. No one divorced me.  There was no major tragedy in 2014.  Maybe I just wasn't quite ready for a year of growth.  Maybe I needed a year of healing, instead. 

But what is next? How do I create meaning, motivation, identity, and value?  What do I stand for?  These are the things I want to be focusing on as we close out this year and slide into the next.  I hope that by the end of 2015, I will have at least created a foundation upon which to build the answers to these questions, and create the changes that will produce the best version of myself.  It's not too late for Life 2.0 to still be amazing - if I live it purposefully.