One of my favorite and most-resonating quotes is: "The reason we
struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes
with everyone else's highlight reel."
Most of what we see (and post) on social media is the "highlight reel":
The happy, positive parts of our lives that we choose to share with our
friends, family, and acquaintances. Our newsfeeds are constantly
filled with pictures of smiling babies, kissing spouses, nights out with
friends. We tag each other in check-in statuses, reminding ourselves,
and our wider social network, that we have fun lives and plenty of
friends. We write flirty notes on our partners' walls, not so much for
the benefit of the recipient, but so that we can broadcast publicly how
happily in love we are.
We know - intellectually - that these "highlight reels"
portrayed on Facebook do not paint the whole picture. All of us who
post these things also have "behind-the- scenes" parts of life, which
are not often publicly displayed. Those cute babies sometimes are up
all night screaming. Those kissing couples might bicker about what to
make for dinner, or spend their nights sitting on opposite couches,
immersed in their own technology of choice. And we're not very likely
to "check in" with our location on the nights we spend at home by
ourselves watching Netflix.
We scroll through our newsfeeds and look at our friends'
"highlight reels", while we're living in our own "behind-the-scenes".
This sets the stage for feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. We
might lament the fact that "everyone else" is tying the knot, buying
houses, popping out kids, making new friends, getting promotions, going
on vacations, hitting fitness milestone, etc. etc. etc. Looking at
others' highlight-reels has the potential to make us feel like we are
worse off than our peers, which can lead to jealousy and resentment if
left unchecked.
I'm part of an intentional group of women who
all take time from various busy schedules to meet on Wednesdays. The
first thing we do each week is share our highs and lows - our highlight
reels AND our behind-the scenes. Listening to my friends be vulnerable
and authentic about what is REALLY going on in their lives is incredibly
important in reminding me that no one's behind-the-scenes life is as
perfect as it might seem from the "highlight reel". It's a good
reminder that EVERYONE has things going on, good and bad, a
full-spectrum of highs and lows and in-the-middles. The women in my
group celebrate one another's achievements, respond to one another's
crises, and appreciate one another's mundanes.
Through this group and through other friendships and
conversations, I am reminded to keep in check my tendency to enviously
compare my life to the lives of others. Despite perceived appearances,
no one's life is actually composed exclusively of highlight-reels. No
one has it all together. Everyone's life has a less glamorous side,
even those whose highlight-reels we covet.
Next time I find myself scrolling through my Facebook
newsfeed, wistful or intrigued or even jealous of others' situations, I
hope I remember that although mine might be different from theirs, I
also have a highlight-reel that is pretty amazing. Playing the
comparison game is a breeding ground for feelings of inadequacy, which
don't do anything positive for anyone. The truth is that we all have
highs and lows and ups and downs, so instead of comparing, let's value
one another and hold each other up. Let's celebrate each other in
highlight-reel times and support each other in behind-the-scenes times.
Life is not a competition.
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