Showing Weakness: Not Just for the Weak

This year has started out with what frankly amounts to a series of setbacks.  I've tried to make the best of my situation(s).  I've tried to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, yet facing forward, not backward.  I've tried to count my blessings, of which there are many.  I've tried to strike a healthy balance between thinking with my head and with my heart.   I've done all these things with varying degrees of success.  

 

Through All of the Things, the most resounding message I've received from family and friends is "you are so strong".  This is a well-intentioned message, meant to signify a belief in my capacity to come out ahead despite perceived aversion. 

 

I was recently asked "what are three words your friends would use to describe you?".  Not being sure, I posed the question to a close friend.  His response: "Eternal Ray (of) Sunshine."  Absolutely meant to be a compliment, and by most accounts, it is true.  I'm perpetually happy.  I have a positive outlook and a sunny disposition. I see not just silver, but platinum linings, even in difficult situations.

 

But is absolute, unfaltering strength and positivity really all it's cracked up to be? These qualities are the foundation upon which I've built my life.  But, there are cracks in every foundation, and what happens if that final, crushing brick is unexpectedly laid?  Is the resulting blow ultimately worse because I've set a precedent, both to myself and others, that I'm impervious to weakness?

 

Sometimes life circumstances necessitate weakness and sadness.  And sometimes it is okay to show those emotions when we're feeling them.  Not in an attention-seeking "watch me be sad" kind of way, but in a "I'm not afraid to be authentic" kind of way.  Not in a vindictive "I'm going to play the role of an angry martyr" kind of way, but in a "I'm going to let you know how I feel" kind of way.  Weakness and sadness and vulnerability are not flaws, and showing them doesn't mean that a person has inherently weak character.  It just means that in the ebb and flow of life, this phase is more ebbing than flowing.

 

So today I am admitting: I AM NOT THAT STRONG. I'm accepting myself for that, and hoping that the people who matter to me will also accept me for that.  My "Eternal Ray of Sunshine" isn't lost - that is still a part of my foundation - but it doesn't paint the whole picture.