This is What Family Looks Like

Minnesotans United for All Families ran a campaign against the marriage discrimination amendment last fall called "This is what family looks like".  People submitted pictures of their non-traditional families (often a same-sex couple, with or without children).  It's great that same-sex couples can now be legally recognized as family, but there are a lot of other equally valid ideas of what family includes, which I think are important to recognize.

I recently experienced some criticism around the idea that my family values are lacking, or that I don't prioritize family in the way that I "should".   My response to that: I DO value family intensely.  But my definition of family may be different than yours.  I recently lost my primary family member, my husband, along with the entire family I married into.  My parents lost a son-in-law who they cherish(ed), and my sister lost the only brother she has ever had.  People say that friends come and go, but family is permanent.  Clearly, that is not true.  My recent experience has been a salient reminder that family takes many different forms, and that it is constantly fluctuating. 

Blood relatives are certainly very important to me, and I'm lucky enough to have a strong relationship with the family I was born into.  But family can also be CREATED.  My family includes the people who I can text to meet me at the beach at a moments' notice.  Those whose refrigerators I can open and take anything out without asking permission.  Those with whom I can stay out until the sun rises, doing whatever spontaneously comes up.  My family are the people who know the parts of me that I haven't told everyone, and who I know will accept me 100% no matter what paths I choose.  My family includes my lifelong best friend, who lives halfway across the country but who called me every day for the first two or three weeks after my marriage ended, sometimes for updates, sometimes to tell me that she loves me, sometimes to let me cry.  My family are the people with whom I can share a look and instantly "mind read" one another's thoughts.  My family are the people whose doors I don't have to knock on, because I can enter freely.  They're my ever-expanding community of people who I value and relate to and resonate with.  You will not be able to convince me that these aren't the definitions of family.

We don't share blood lines, and we aren't bound legally, but this IS what family looks like.