Two weeks ago, I had the exciting, incredible, once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity to witness the dream of same-sex marriage become a reality
in Minnesota. There is no adequate way to describe the feelings of
joyful victory. I got to watch my best friend shed
tears of joy as he hugged his boyfriend moments after the final vote. I
got to join thousands of supporters at the Capitol rotunda, singing
hymns of praise, and our National Anthem. I was inspired by the dozens
of clergy members standing in support of equality. Never in my life
have I been so proud of my state, so proud of my community, so proud of
my friends, and so happy to be living in this moment of history. It was
one of the most significant experiences of my life.
But, I also witnessed a state senator say these words: “Some people
have said that they are concerned about being on the right
side of history. I am more concerned about being on the right side of
eternity.” The implication of that statement is not only that
LGBTQ-identified people are destined for hell, but that anyone who
supports marriage equality is as well. That attitude is personally and
sociologically harmful in ways that he probably will never fully
understand.
Unfortunately, this senator is not alone in this thinking.
The Minnesota for Marriage campaign fought hard and long to keep
"traditional marriage" in our state. Their press release indicated
that, with the passage of the bill, all those who don't support marriage
equality will now be labeled as "bigots". I have heard many people on
the pro-equality side of the debate respond to that assertion by saying,
"yes, that's right. You WILL be labeled as bigots, because you ARE
bigots."
I'm not sure this response is helpful, and I'd like to propose an alternative approach. But,
before going any further, I want to acknowledge this:
I have never walked down the street afraid to hold my partner's hand. I
have never been told that I can't marry the person I love. I've never
been bullied for my sexuality or been called a fag or a dyke. I don't
know what it feels like to be trapped in a body with a biological sex
that doesn't match my gender identity. I have never been abandoned by
my family after bravely expressing who I am. And I want to be
sensitive to the fact that some people who are reading this HAVE had
these experiences and have been hurt by them in ways that I may not ever
personally understand.
But: I also know people who oppose marriage equality. I know
them to be good, true, authentic people who absolutely have the best
intentions. To name-call and to point fingers shaming them for their
beliefs renders US as the intolerant ones. They are not bigots; they
are not stupid; they do not lack logic; they are not immoral. We
are ALL products of our culture and upbringing, and
many of our peers who are on the other side of this fight are very good
and (I'm daring to say) well-intentioned people. Maybe they grew up in a
religion or a family that taught them that being gay is a sin. Maybe
they really are worried that the "traditional" family structure is
threatened.
Can we respond with love instead of anger? Although we're coming from different perspectives, can we be open to
dialogue and a mutual respect for our differences? The only way that
anyone can get from one side to the other is by bridging the gap. And
to respond to people who disagree with us by calling them bigots or
homophobes is not building a bridge; it is tearing it down.
Over 70% of adults under the age of 35 are in favor of marriage
equality. In another generation, that number will assuredly grow. But
let's not let anger and hurt get in the way of our ability to increase
that number.
But more importantly, let's celebrate the fact that we're in the middle
of history in the making, and that beginning in August, all Minnesotans
will have equal access to civil marriage. It's not the end of the fight
for legal equality, but it's a huge step in the right direction. Love
is Louder.
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