Having the Courage to Suck

I spent the first half of this weekend at a church leadership retreat. My church is the most courageous organization I have been a part of. In July, we did a project called Pause, Listen, and Learn. We didn’t meet for regular Sunday services for the month; instead, we went out in small groups to other communities of faith – everything from a Ba’hai center to a Mosque to a conservative Baptist congregation, to a Catholic community. Some people in the community also conducted interviews with over 100 people who are part of the church to talk to them about what is working for them and what is not, and what they’d like to see change. A lot of other learning opportunities went on during July as well. We’re coming up on our 5^th year as a congregation and trying to take an honest look at how to continue to grow and remain relevant for the community. I’m proud of my church because it’s the only church I know of that would do something so challenging and out of the ordinary. I’m proud because we’re not afraid to ask the “big questions”, and to challenge our community to do the same. One thing that came up a few times at the retreat was the importance of having the courage to suck.

What I think that means in the context of being a leader of a church community is this: not everything we try (as individuals or a community) is going to work. We’re not going to be good at everything we do, and sometimes we’ll work really hard at something and it will just flop. But, that’s better than not doing it at all. It’s an opportunity for growth and learning, and it shows people that we have thick skin and the drive to achieve something positive for the sake of the community and the world.

Today I had my 20 mile run (the longest run before the marathon). It did not go well. At all. I ran about a 12.5 minute mile pace. My goal time (5 hours) is over 1 minute per mile faster than that. I looked at the results from the Twin Cities Marathon last year, and out of over 8000 runners, only a few dozen finished at that pace or slower. Today’s run reminded me that I am not a natural runner. I have to work really really hard at it, and even then, I’m not good. Of all the people who run a marathon, I am one of the worst.

I came home feeling really discouraged. Why would I want to do something when I’m going to be one of the worst of all the people who do it? (Even if I do finish in my 5 hour goal time, I’m still slower than about 85% of participants.) Why would I want to subject myself to tens of thousands of people watching me struggle to do something that so many others are doing so much better? But I’m remembering the benefit of having the courage to suck.

In this context, this means being brave enough to try something that I’m not good at. Putting the maximum amount of effort and sacrifice into it. Persevering even when I don’t want to. Not comparing myself to other people. Seeing the value in doing it, even when other people are doing it better. Improving next time around.

So, Instead of feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had more talent at running, I’ve decided to be proud of having the courage to suck. I've heard the joke that the person who finished last in their medical school class is still a doctor. The person who finishes the marathon last is still a marathoner.

Top Summer Moments

Well, it's officially September. The summer flew by so fast I can hardly believe it. It's been one of the most fantastic summers ever. I took some time to think about what some of the highlights were during June, July, and August. Below is my list of Top Summer Moments. I decided to remove all of the names of the friends involved in these events (since I didn't get anyone's permission to use their names), but I am so grateful to all of you who made the summer beautiful.

Surprise 5th Anniversary Date
I surprised Ben on June 3rd, the 5th anniversary of the first day we met, by re-creating our first date, which included dinner on the patio at Old Chicago, a walk in Central Park in Roseville, ice cream (originally at Ben and Jerry's in Stadium Village, but unfortunately it no
longer exists, so we had to go with Plan B, Annie's Parlor) and a game of checkers... he won both the first time and this time)

The Great MN Send-off
This was a party hosted by a friend at her family farm/winery for several friends who were leaving Minnesota for other adventures. While it was sad to have to say good-bye, it was a super fun party. Proof that we all had a great time: at breakfast the next morning, a bottle of advil was passed around. Half of the table took some because of being hung over, and the other half took some because they're sore from the bungee run and/or slip'n'slide.

4th of July
This day actually had its ups and downs, but I'd like to stick to discussing the "ups". Ben and I met up at Powderhorn Park with a bunch of friends (and both sets of our parents), and enjoyed a great picnic, interesting people-watching, fire dancers, and fireworks. And there were Twizzlers, so of course Ben was happy.

Visiting a Jewish Temple
In July, my church did this interesting experiment called Pause, Listen, and Learn. We didn't have regular church services in July, but instead we went to other congregations/communities of faith. Visiting Mount Zion Temple was one of the most profound religious experiences I have had. I have had a strong interest in Judaism since about 7th grade, but this was my first time (besides going to a Bat Mitzvah when I was 13) going to an actual Jewish worship service. Maybe a discussion of my views on Judaism would be better suited for another posting.

Bachelorette Season Finale Party
This might sound like the dumbest thing ever, but some of my friends and I enjoy the guilty pleasure of watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (reality TV at its finest!). A few girls got together to view the finale and watch Ashley the Bachelorette begin the rest of her life (okay, probably not) with her new fiance JP. It's hard to explain why this night made the list of Top Summer Moments. I think what was so great about the whole night was how casual it was. Someone made reference to us being like a big (sort of dysfunctional) family. At one point one person left to randomly go for a run, another was doing toe exercises the whole time, and another showed up at the very end of the show... it really just exemplified that the definition of "family" doesn't have to mean the people you live with or are related to.

The "really good" TND
TND, or Thursday Night Dinner, is an almost weekly tradition that has been going on for a few years now. TND is always one of my weekly highlights, but one week in July, it was just exceptionally good. After consuming large quantities of amazing food (and I MIGHT have had two servings of homemade ice cream cake), we moved to the ridiculously comfy brown couches (which is a whole other joke that I just can't explain adequately), took awkward photos, and laughed about making up lyrics to Kum-By-Ya. As we were heading out the door, one person said, to no one in particular, "that was a really good TND". I think I'll always remember that night as the "really good" TND.

Ben's 30th birthday at Al Vento
Ben turned 30 on July 19! To celebrate the end of a decade, we had dinner together at Al Vento. I know that turning 30 isn't really an achievement, persay, but having a milestone birthday is a good time to reflect on the past, present, and future. I really can't adequately express how proud I am of Ben and the things he has accomplished. I don't think I know anyone more successful than him.

Ben's Birthday Bonanza
We had a big birthday party for Ben this year. I think somewhere around 30 people showed up for Beer, Pancakes, and Jeopardy. Ben made a Jeopardy game (with trivia about him and his interests) from scratch using PowerPoint, and we were able to hook it up from my laptop onto our flat screen. In my opinion, it was a big success!

My Birthday Mexican Fiesta
My birthday fell on a Thursday, so to celebrate, I hosted TND at my house. We did a special co-ed TND, which was nice because it meant that Ben did most of the cooking. :) We had a Mexican-themed night, complete with frozen mango margaritas (this was also the night I discovered by unusually strong love for fresh mangos). The best part of the night, by far, was playing pin the mustache/tail/sombrero on the burro (donkey)... and taking a lovely picture with all of us WEARING the mustaches!

Puzzle Play
One Friday night in August, 8 of us (I think) went to this very interesting spy-themed puzzle show. It was a live role playing game theatrical/interactive performance, where we had to solve a series of puzzles. It took place in this random unmarked building in a weird part of NE Minneapolis, and we joked that we might not come out alive. I'm doing a really bad job of describing this experience, but you'll just have to take my word that it was fun!

Marathon Training
This isn't exactly a "moment", but a series of many long (sometimes 4-hour!) moments. I've really enjoyed the experience of training for a marathon. It's been very challenging, and there have been some times when I've felt like giving up on the goal, but it's really been one of the most rewarding things I've done. On my last long run, I kept repeating the mantra "running is a privledge". I honestly believe that.

Random Day on Lake Minnetonka
One day, about an hour after I'd finished a 17-mile run, I got a text from a friend, asking if I'd like to go out on her friend's boat on Lake Minnetonka. I did a mental assessment, and decided that I felt good enough to go. So off we went, to this random guy's boat, with all these random people we didn't know. It turned out to be one of the most fun days of the summer. We parked our boat at Big Island, where 20-30 other boats were, and spent the day swimming and generally enjoying ourselves. There may or may not have been a keg with (what used to be a lawn ornament) pink flamingo bong involved. I am not a beer drinker, but it made for some interesting entertainment.

Bachlorette Party
A couple weeks ago, we celebrated a friend's upcoming wedding with a bachelorette party at the maid of honor's parents' house on Lake Riley. The afternoon was consumed with sitting on the dock reading magazines and chatting. Then had a great dinner and spent the evening in front of a bonfire telling scary stories. Can't wait for the wedding!

Wisconsin Dells
This trip was the "creme de lae creme" of the summer. Ben, 2 other girl friends, and I spent 3 days at Wisconsin Dells for Dellpollo '11, aka Delltastic Voyage, aka Ben and the Girls in 3D (Dells, Ducks, and Da Water Park). We did it all: Noah's Ark Waterpark, Rippley's Believe it or Not Museum, Wisconsin Ducks, Mini Golfing at Pirate's Cove (the winner got to pick the flavor of fudge we bought later... and good times ensued), Kalahari indoor Theme Park, and Tommy Bartlett's waterski show. Things we decided to save for next year's trip: Old Time Photos, pining (I mean mining) for gemstones, the deer park, and skinny dipping.