Having the Courage to Suck

I spent the first half of this weekend at a church leadership retreat. My church is the most courageous organization I have been a part of. In July, we did a project called Pause, Listen, and Learn. We didn’t meet for regular Sunday services for the month; instead, we went out in small groups to other communities of faith – everything from a Ba’hai center to a Mosque to a conservative Baptist congregation, to a Catholic community. Some people in the community also conducted interviews with over 100 people who are part of the church to talk to them about what is working for them and what is not, and what they’d like to see change. A lot of other learning opportunities went on during July as well. We’re coming up on our 5^th year as a congregation and trying to take an honest look at how to continue to grow and remain relevant for the community. I’m proud of my church because it’s the only church I know of that would do something so challenging and out of the ordinary. I’m proud because we’re not afraid to ask the “big questions”, and to challenge our community to do the same. One thing that came up a few times at the retreat was the importance of having the courage to suck.

What I think that means in the context of being a leader of a church community is this: not everything we try (as individuals or a community) is going to work. We’re not going to be good at everything we do, and sometimes we’ll work really hard at something and it will just flop. But, that’s better than not doing it at all. It’s an opportunity for growth and learning, and it shows people that we have thick skin and the drive to achieve something positive for the sake of the community and the world.

Today I had my 20 mile run (the longest run before the marathon). It did not go well. At all. I ran about a 12.5 minute mile pace. My goal time (5 hours) is over 1 minute per mile faster than that. I looked at the results from the Twin Cities Marathon last year, and out of over 8000 runners, only a few dozen finished at that pace or slower. Today’s run reminded me that I am not a natural runner. I have to work really really hard at it, and even then, I’m not good. Of all the people who run a marathon, I am one of the worst.

I came home feeling really discouraged. Why would I want to do something when I’m going to be one of the worst of all the people who do it? (Even if I do finish in my 5 hour goal time, I’m still slower than about 85% of participants.) Why would I want to subject myself to tens of thousands of people watching me struggle to do something that so many others are doing so much better? But I’m remembering the benefit of having the courage to suck.

In this context, this means being brave enough to try something that I’m not good at. Putting the maximum amount of effort and sacrifice into it. Persevering even when I don’t want to. Not comparing myself to other people. Seeing the value in doing it, even when other people are doing it better. Improving next time around.

So, Instead of feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had more talent at running, I’ve decided to be proud of having the courage to suck. I've heard the joke that the person who finished last in their medical school class is still a doctor. The person who finishes the marathon last is still a marathoner.

Um... I thought you said RUM!

As referenced by the website of this blog, I am a runner. For many years, I refused to call myself a runner because I have never been very GOOD at running. But, now that I have run several long races (ranging from 6.2 to 15.5 miles - 10K to 25K), and am currently training for a full marathon, I guess that qualifies me as a "runner".

So, I'm on week 10 of an 18 week marathon training program. I'm registered for the Twin Cities Marathon (nicknamed "the most beautiful urban marathon in America") on October 2nd. This is the first race I'm training for by myself. I've trained for all my other races with a friend. While I really enjoy running with a friend, I also have come to embrace my long solo runs. How often do we get to have several hours of uninterrupted "me time"? So far, training has been successful and relatively pain-free.

Here are some FAQs about running this marathon:

Q. Why did you decide to run a full marathon?
A. I've enjoyed running various lengths of races for a few years now, and I think that for any runner, a marathon is the ultimate challenge and accomplishment. Since I'm in relatively good running shape, I figured that now is as good of a time as any to tackle 26.2.

Q. But Kate, you're the least athletic person I know! What makes you think YOU can run a marathon??
A. Well, I'm glad you asked! It's true - my whole life, I've been told (especially by my well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful mother) that I have absolutely no athletic ability or potential. I was never good at sports (again, I think I was discouraged by my mom growing up) and hated Phy Ed. I'm not a natural athlete, that's for sure. But, I've worked my way up to having a level of endurance and strength to be able to run 26.2. Luckily, you don't need to be very coordinated to run... mostly you just need motivation and perseverance. If I can run a marathon, anyone can - seriously.

Q. What are you doing to train for the race?
A. My favorite running plans are Hal Higdon's. I'm using one of his free plans that I found online. I run 3 shorter runs during the week (this week it's two 4-milers and one 8-miler), and then one progressively longer run on either Saturday or Sunday (this week, 17 miles). I have been doing the long run on either Saturday or Sunday depending on the weather and how late I'm out the night before! So far, I've run every single mile that my schedule tells me to run. There's also one day per week of cross-training, and two days of rest. I also do 2 or 3 days per week of strength training, even though that's not actually part of my plan.

Q. Um... is this really a good idea? Didn't the first person to ever run a marathon DIE at the end?
A. That's totally just a myth! Referring to the Battle of Marathon. I'm not planning to die.

Q. Do you run very fast?
A. Nope!

Q. Can I watch you during the race?
A. YES!! There's even a new thing where you can sign up to receive texts telling you where your favorite runners are in the race. Last year, when I ran the TC10miler, it didn't work very well, but I'm hoping that the kinks are worked out this year. Once I have a better idea of the pace at which I'll be running, I'll figure out the approximate times I'll be passing popular spectator locations. Having supporters is so helpful, especially toward the end.

I really appreciate all the encouragement I've received so far throughout this process - especially from Ben, who was initially skeptical but who has proven to be so supportive. Thanks!